Oh, man, this was a good episode. This was, like, top five good. Like, REALLY good.

Carol, the whole episode:

OK, back to the beginning. I loved getting the back story on Enid. POOR ENID.

JSS? Was ist das?

Anthony!

Hey Anthony!

If you’ve never watched the Bad Lip Reading of the Walking Dead, you really really should.

Poor Anthony never stood a chance….

No really, wtf JSS?

Then she finds her way to Alexandria and, after a false start, goes in the gates.

Then we cut to Carol and the housewives. One of them calls Carol an honest to goodness hero for something mundane. Bitch, you have NO idea.

Then we get to meet Mrs. Neudermeyer, the one who wouldn’t stop harassing Eric and Aaron for a pasta maker. Carol gets all passive aggressive and it is glorious.

After putting Mrs. Neudermeyer in her place, she heads home to make her gross casserole with Cream of Celery soup and Sam is waiting for her on her steps. She is her usual nurturing self to him.

Poor Sam with his little red A stamp. Is there some sort of a Scarlet Letter thing going on here? They have to know that seeing a big red A will make people think of that. Hmmmm….

Jessie tries to cut Ron’s hair so that she can trap him into a conversation. She’s ballsier than I gave her credit for last year. I give her credit for calling him out on blaming her for Pete’s death and reminding him that he has permanent injuries thanks to his asshole Dad. Teenagers, man.

Maggie takes Deanna out to the site of a potential new garden for the community and gives her a pep talk about how important she is and how much she is needed. Obviously she’s grieving. How long has it been since Reg died? I kind of feel like they should give Deanna a damn break.

 

Then we cut to Tara and Eugene going to the infirmary and Eugene is bitching about how the biggest building in the expansion is going to be a church and not a lab or machine shop, leading to two of my favorite lines of the night….

“Thumpers just shouldn’t get dibs.”

I love Eugene.

Also, I am going to try to work “it hams my biscuits” into rotation in my day to day life. It is excellent.

Doctor Dana! Welcome!

Whoops. Sorry. Doctor Denise.

Denise is a Psychologist who switched out of a surgery specialization after surgery-induced panic attacks. This should go well.

Carl is taking Judith for a walk in her stroller when he spots Enid comforting Ron and handles it kind of amazingly well. Poor Carl, though. We were all so excited that he was maybe going to get to make out with a girl soon.

Gabriel stops Carl and asks Carl to train him. He apologizes for being a complete and total dick and Carl agrees to train him. Because Carl is a sweet, sweet boy and his Mama would be proud of him.

Carol puts Casserole of Gross in the oven, sets the timer and….

HOLY. SHIT.

Well, that’s what you get for smoking Mrs. Neudermeyer.

Here my notes just say “FUCK! WOLVES!”

Was anyone else fully expecting the Wolves to bust down a wall and unload a few truckloads of walkers into Alexandria? I did NOT expect them to do their own dirty work. They’re crazy as hell.

Jessie is about to leave to find Ron when she and Sam hear someone breaking into the house. They go into the Hiding Closet. Poor Sam. He’s all “Where the hell is Carol????” He’s the only one in Alexandria who actually knows how terrifying she is. And he loves her for it.

Enid shows up at Carl’s and she is ready to BOLT. He’s having none of it and ropes her into helping him keep Judith safe in the house. Enid says something about the Wolves being “just people”, which seems….odd.

Doesn’t it? Seem a little odd?

And Carl doesn’t like goodbyes.

Well, we’ll say goodbye for Carl Poppa. Later, Enid.

I love Carol going all ninja through the neighborhood. Then she has to put one of the kitchen ladies down, which sucks.

Spencer is sure wishing that Sasha was up in that tower instead of him today. He’s doing his best, then sees a semi coming toward the gates and opens fire. He kills the driver and it crashes.

So THAT’S what the horn was at the end of the last episode.

Tara, Eugene, Eric, Aaron and Rosita run into the infirmary with someone named Holly who has been seriously injured. Aaron and Rosita go back out to join the fight. Tara is ordered to stay behind since she’s still sporting after-effects of getting her head bashed in. Eugene would like to not be anywhere near the scary fighting, thank you.

He’s very literal, our Eugene.

Now we see Spencer heading to the truck to make the unholy honking stop. Of course, the driver is now a walker and Spencer is a chickenshit and can’t figure out how to kill the it. And thus arrives Morgan to stick the walker in the head and turn off the damn truck. Thank god for Morgan.

Morgan heads into Alexandria and Spencer elects to hide out by the truck rather than heading back in to actually be, you know, HELPFUL. Fine. Hide. Chickenshit.

I am judging Deanna’s parenting skills right now. She turned out two complete cowards.

Morgan goes in and starts fighting the World’s Biggest Wolf. Did that dude get lost on his way to the set of Vikings?

And then Carol comes in, dressed in Wolf drag and saves Morgan’s ass. Morgan is less than pleased that she killed the Viking!Wolf.

“You don’t like it.” Interesting…..

Deanna and Maggie run out to see WTF is going on with the horn and Deanna decides to stay outside with her son. Probably smart. She wouldn’t be much use anyway….

Meanwhile, Doctor Denise is FREAKING out because she doesn’t think she can save Holly. And Tara does what she does best and gives her a gentle “get your shit together” pep talk while giving her big brown disappointed puppy dog eyes. Would you want Tara to be disappointed in you? I would not want Tara to be disappointed in me. Look at those puppy dog eyes!

Oh, Eugene. You are so awesome. I love how he owns his weaknesses.

Of course, Ron gets spotted by a Wolf and Carl has to save him. Because Ron is a freaking idiot. And now he has a chip on his shoulder about Carl being a badass and saving him in front of Enid. Not like Enid couldn’t have saved him, too.

Back at Ron’s house, Jessie hears Ron and knows he’s coming in while there is a bad guy in the house, so she puts her Mama Bear Pants on and goes out to take care of business.

DAMN Jessie. Good girl. Badass in training. Ron’s all, “Uuuuuhhhhhh, Mom?”

How awesome was this shot?

Carol and Morgan make it to the armory. They see Gabriel in trouble and Carol could not possibly care less, but Morgan goes to save him. Carol carries on and takes out about 50 more Wolves before she finds Olivia in the closet. One of my favorite moments of the night was this:

Olivia has badass potential. I hope she doesn’t get killed…

Morgan, of course, doesn’t kill the Wolf that was attacking Gabriel. Oh, Morgan. I admire your principles, but I think they might be out of place here.

Gabriel asks how he learned to kick ass with a stick and Morgan says “from a Change Maker”. I think that’s what he said, at least. Is that what he said? I’m curious to see if his zen master shows up at some point in Alexandria…

The guy Morgan is tying up wakes up and tells them “We’re freeing you. You’re trapped. You need to know, people don’t belong here anym…” AND Carol shoots him. She gives Gabriel and Morgan guns and runs off, running across Maggie.

Carol’s all “THANK GOD, SOMEBODY USEFUL IS STILL HERE.”

Morgan gives his gun to Gabriel, which is NOT SMART, MORGAN.

Rosita and Aaron have teamed up and are taking care of business.

Carol kills another Wolf and it becomes apparent that Carol isn’t having fun anymore. Maybe she DOESN’T like it. Maybe she was kind of getting into being Suzy Homemaker. Poor Carol.

Mr Blondy Wolf from last season gangs up on Morgan with a bunch of his pack mates. Morgan tells them to leave, that his people have guns, that they will start shooting any moment. He tells Blondy that if he keeps choosing this life, he will die. Wolfy says “We didn’t choose.” Which is interesting. Meaning that the world changed and they changed with it or meaning that someone chose for them?

And then they run away. And Blondy Wolf finds a gun on his way. Bet you’re sure wishing you had that gun now, Morgan? Huh? Now there’s a Wolf with a gun out there. Awesome.

And Daryl has a gun in his face in the season preview. Wonder where that gun came from? Crap.

Carol is standing over Mrs. Neudermeyer (who will never get that pasta machine), takes her smokes and goes to have a quiet meltdown on the stairs.

There’s Sam’s little scarlet A stamp on the stairway. Little vandal.

Can I just say what a BEAUTIFUL job Melissa McBride does in these quiet moments? She’s freaking amazing.

Aaron finds his backpack under a dead Wolf. With the photos of Alexandria in them. We all saw that coming, right?

Still, not a good day for Aaron.

Back at the infirmary, Holly doesn’t make it, despite Denise’s best efforts.

Denise does not take it well and kicks everyone out. Tara reminds her to get Holly’s brain so she doesn’t come back. Welcome to your first day on the job, Denise!

Maggie and Rosita escort Spencer and his Mom back inside the walls. He asks Rosita if this is what it’s like out there and how you keep going. Rosita tells him to make sure you have something worth dying for. Pretty sage advice, girl. I like her.

Back at Carl’s place, Enid has bailed and left a NOT goodbye note.

Ah. So that’s what JSS means.

Then Carol’s casserole timer goes off. I LOVED that.

It was such a jolt. “Oh. This all took place in the time it takes to bake a freaking casserole.” Welp, at least dinner is ready when everyone comes home.

Also, once again, Judith is the most miraculously quiet baby on the face of the earth. Seriously. Carl, you should probably go check on her. Because NO baby would stay asleep and quiet through gunshots and screaming.

Meanwhile, Morgan goes to check out an open front door. He runs into an old friend who taunts Morgan about not being able to kill him.

“You can’t, can you? You should’ve.”

And so he does. After apologizing.

Cue the crisis of morals for Morgan.

Then comes one of my favorite scenes of the night. Carol and Morgan crossing paths in the aftermath.

Sooooo, is Morgan going to bail? What’s in the bag he’s carrying? Is he going to run away back into the woods? I hope not. If he can find a place somewhere in between batshit crazy and “all life is precious”, he could be amazing.

Also, why did Enid bail as the Wolves were retreating? Is Enid a fucking Wolf? NO, Enid!

Next week on The Walking Dead….A fuck-ton of Walkers and nobody seems to be able to get home. Hurry up, people!