In order to be respectful of those friends of mine who watch The Walking Dead on Netflix on a year delay and somehow want to avoid spoilers, I’m putting everything behind a cut. Because I need to get this out.
This is what it looked like in my house for the first five minutes of the episode:
I’m not even exaggerating.
HELLO, BABY BOY!!!! YOU DRAG YOUR ASS UNDER THAT DUMPSTER!!!
My husband was all “there’s no way he’s going to get out of that without any bites” and I was all “well, if he managed to kill the first layer of walkers around the bottom of the bin, he would create a barrier that would make it so that the others couldn’t smell him”.
Because I am that kind of nerd and I have thought about this that much.
So poor Glenn is stuck under there overnight until all of the walkers are distracted, then he drags his exhausted, dehydrated ass out from under the bin. Then gets a water bottle chucked at him by guess who?
Enid, you come down from there right now, young lady!
So Enid has apparently been camping out in an old antique shop full of crap that nobody needs in the zombie apocalypse.
Except, wouldn’t you think that someone would have stolen the suitcases? I know they’re bulky, but they have some utility, right?
Anyway, poor Glenn is trying to find out if Maggie is OK. Jesus, Enid, just answer the poor guy. Stop being such a little shit.
Enid takes off and Glenn takes off after her. Why, Glenn? Just go the fuck home.
And, here come the credits. Guess who’s back?
Back in Alexandria, Rick is checking the fences and Morgan is doing his Aikido. Rick says he and Morgan should talk later. Morgan knows that’s not good news.
Rick FINALLY notices that the wall is bleeding.
Yeah, we’ve been wondering about that, too, Rick.
Maggie is keeping vigil waiting for Glenn’s signal. Poor Mags. Rick gives her a Rick pep talk. Says that maybe they should make a plan to move the walkers themselves instead of waiting for everyone to come back. Mentions that the walls are holding, then does not knock wood.
YOU JUST JINXED EVERYONE, RICK. Damn it.
They have some little chat about how Judith is starting to look like Lori. I’m not sure what the significance is. Is she also starting to look like SHANE?
Rick doesn’t know Maggie’s pregnant, right? Only Aaron at this point?
Back with Glenn, he runs across the corpse of Cool Guy Married to Betsy up against the fence.
NICE TOUCH with the eye stuck to the gate, guys! Wow. Gross.
Poor Cool Guy. Poor Betsy. Glenn finds the note for Betsy. I suppose he can take it back and it can be BURIED WITH HER IN HER GRAVE.
Gabriel is putting up fliers for a prayer circle, which Rick immediately tears down when he walks by.
Even Carl thinks it’s a dick move.
So Rick and Carl are taking idiot Ron out for gun lessons.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA.
I’m also not really sure Carl should be there after their slap fight.
It kind of seems like Carl is just there to antagonize Ron. Carl, I don’t think you want to antagonize Ron. He’s a loose cannon.
Ron tries to talk Rick into letting him have target practice and Rick gives him the most hilariously annoyed look.
Morgan pops in to see Denise, but their conversation gets cut short by Rick grabbing Morgan so they can “talk”.
Prepare yourself for the interrogation, Morgan.
Morgan gets busted on letting Wolves leave Alexandria with weapons. Poor Morgan. He’s trying so hard to hold onto the thing that gave him his sanity back. He wants to honor the Cheese Maker. I don’t know that he’s going to be able to, in the end.
I really hope they don’t boot him.
Um, hey, guys? Have any of you noticed that building? That building right by the walls that seems to be creaking a lot and possibly getting ready to collapse???
Um, should somebody do something about that?
Rick and Michonne talk about a possible plan for getting rid of the walkers. Michonne totally calls Rick on his bullshit when he tries to say they’ll only include their people in the plan.
Deanna comes by with her plans for Future Alexandria, which is kind of heartbreaking. Because Rick already cursed everyone by talking about the walls holding. So you should probably hang onto those plans, Deanna.
Cut to Rosita teaching Eugene and a bunch of Alexandrians how to kill walkers using machetes. Rosita has had enough of Eugene’s cowardice. She’s having none of it.
She gives him a dressing down and Eugene flees. He really needs to get it together soon, though. Maybe Tara can give him lessons. Rosita may have a little too much rage for Eugene to handle.
Cut to Enid hanging out in a restaurant.
JSS again. What’s with the toy fire truck?
Glenn finds her and practices his Dad voice on her to get her to come back to Alexandria with him.
And then Enid pulls a gun on Glenn.
He gets the gun away from her (OF COURSE) and she calls him an asshole.
Again, I say
And off they go.
OK, so Rick keeps talking about not wanting the walkers to bunch up along the wall, SO WHY IS HE HAMMERING ON IT? Whatever.
Tobin comes by and offers to help. Would a thanks kill you, Rick?
Back to Glenn and Enid. Wow, those green balloons sure are hanging in there!
And there are more, according to Glenn. And a tank of helium. And string. The makings for either a good walker distraction or a kick ass children’s birthday party.
Tobin tells Rick that he knows that the Alexandrians are slow on the uptake, but asks Rick not to give up on them. Be nice, Rick.
Back to Glenn and Enid. Glenn goes all Herschel Greene on Enid and drops some wisdom.
Cut to Olivia, who was apparently Enid’s roommate. Fucking Ron knocks stuff over in the pantry in order to distract her from the fact that he is STEALING BULLETS.
Glenn and Enid finally get to Alexandria and see the walker-encrusted walls. Enid shares her sunny outlook with Glenn.
Glenn, you are the sweetest cupcake ever.
Oh, lord, here goes Spencer. What is this bullshit harebrained scheme???
Ugh. So Spencer, of course, falls into the walkers, and Tara climbs over the wall to crouch on one of the supports and cover Spencer while Rick, Tobin and finally Morgan pull him back up.
Here is my very blurry screen cap of Tara being a badass hero.
Tara is my queen now, just for this:
God, she rocks. Everybody has wanted to flip Rick the bird at some point.
Turns out Spencer was trying to get to a car and draw the walkers away. Rick freaks out and insists that Spencer come to Rick with any ideas in the future. Spencer asks, “Would you have listened to me?”
Point, dude. Point.
Morgan comes back to see Denise and ask her if she can help him treat someone else’s wound. A secret someone.
Of course, Carol spots them being suspicious and follows them.
Carol, fortunately, has the sense to drop Judith off with Jessie before following. She has a super-uplifting chat with Sam while she’s waiting.
Poor, messed up Sam. Auntie Carol is not who you want to chat with about this.
Then Carol goes and unlocks Morgan’s Super Secret Wolf Cell. Because she, OF COURSE, has keys to every building in Alexandria.
Morgan, you are so screwed. Did you just pee your pants a little? Because I would have.
Cut to Carl walking down the street with Fucking Ron following him.
Again, I say…
Cut to Michonne looking over Deanna’s plans for Future Alexandria. Sigh.
Cut to…um…guys….that building is still crumbling. Has anyone noticed that yet?
Cut to Rick and Tobin working on the walls, when Tara comes by. They are just barely even bothering to try to hide Alannah Masterson’s pregnancy here. Hilarious. Rick runs after her to sort of apologize.
“You were stupid, that we know.” I adore her. She says the things we are all thinking.
Deanna thanks Rick for saving Spencer and lets him know she doesn’t buy his hard as nails routine.
BABY BOY!!!! There’s your sign, Mags.
Then…SHIT SHIT SHIT
I TOLD YOU GUYS TO CHECK THAT THING!!!!
So, next week is the mid-season finale. I expect TOTAL FREAKING CHAOS.
Also, now that we’ve seen what happened to Glenn, we know that it wasn’t Glenn saying “help” on the radio at the end of last week’s episode.
Excuse me while I go recover.