I love Carol’s opening montage. Shoppin’! Gatherin’ acorns! Walker killin’! Showerin’! Bakin’! Feedin’ the masses! Flirtin’ with Tobin!
Wait, flirting with Tobin?
I know that there are those who have been holding out hope that Carol and Daryl would get together. Never gonna happen. Daryl just doesn’t have the game.
What if those hints that Daryl is gay are true and he hooks up with Jesus? THAT WOULD PLEASE ME VERY MUCH. Two hot badasses in love. Sigh.
The RV pulls in and Rick says for everyone to gather at the church. Carol asks what’s going on and does not look psyched when Rick says they’re going to have to fight.
Yeah, she’s super psyched.
Morgan tries to talk to Carol about why she hasn’t told Rick what he did and she’s having none of it. Our girl is looking a little conflicted.
SHE LEFT HER LAST COOKIE ON SAM’S GRAVE OMG.
Family meeting in the church! Morgan seriously tries to talk Rick into going and chatting with the Saviors instead of just going in and taking them out.
Hi, Morgan, allow me to introduce you. This is Rick Grimes. He isn’t much of one for “talking”.
Nobody agrees with Morgan and everyone is going to war. Tara is having a little PTSD flashback to the Governor.
Carol counting up her kills is heartbreaking.
Maggie is going?
This is officially the first parenting decision of Maggie and Glenn’s that I am judging.
Carol and Tobin share a smoke and he proves that he SO gets her.
Get it, girl! Carol deserves a nice boyfriend who thinks she’s an awesome badass goddess. If Daryl isn’t going to get in there, I’m glad she has found someone else.
The award for BIGGEST ASSHOLE OF THE NIGHT goes to Mister Abraham Ford.
“When I first met you, I thought you were the last woman on Earth. You’re not.”
Wow. You broke up with Rosita Motherfucking Espinoza like THAT?
Abraham Ford, YOU SUCK.
I hope she makes his balls into earrings.
Of course, Eugene is in the wrong place at the wrong time…
Rick and co. have the dude from Hilltop who tried to kill Abe drawing maps of the Saviors’ compound.
Cut to Tara and Denise being totally sweet. Please don’t let either of them die. I like them so much.
So Rick says they’re going to give the Saviors Gregory’s head. Please tell me you’re going to actually kill Gregory.
So they’re all going off in the woods to look for something. Gabriel is sporting a gun and cracking fairly good jokes about the camouflaging virtues of his minister garb.
Carol is smoking again. This is odd. I know it’s going to mean something later.
Rosita is directing some of her Abe Rage at Morgan via Carol. She wanted to tell everyone about Morgan hiding the Wolf. Carol has a good point that telling would incriminate Denise, too.
Glenn and Heath have a chat and the show reminds us that Glenn has never actually killed another living human. So, that’ll end tonight. Goddamnit. Leave my sweet cupcake alone.
Rick explains the plan and then Carol gives him a piece of her mind about Maggie being there. She’s going to stay behind with Maggie. I’m thinking Carol isn’t so hot on the idea of killing a bunch more people for her list tonight.
Jesus and his Hilltop friend choose a walker head to pose as Gregory. When Jesus points out that the nose shape is wrong, Rick just punches the hell out of it.
Jesus is amused…
So Eddie from Hilltop shows up outside the Saviors’ place, which has super-menacing red floodlights.
The guards do not have very good vocabularies. Just saying.
They intimidate Eddie in a very testosterone-y way, then one of them goes to get the Hilltop dude they’ve been holding prisoner while the other one stays outside whistling Happy Birthday in a threatening manner. Which is weird.
Then Mr. Threatening Whistler meets Mr. Dixon.
Michonne takes care of the other guy when he comes back out and in they go.
Even with a big ass gun, Daryl Dixon without his crossbow is sad.
They split up and start checking rooms, killing anyone they find along the way.
Glenn and Heath go into a room together and Glenn does what he has to do.
Poor baby boy. Then he takes the knife and kills the other guy so that Heath doesn’t have to. Sweet. Cupcake.
Then Glenn gets a look at the world’s grossest polaroid collection on the dude’s wall. I don’t want to know how that is going to come into play later, but you know it will.
Tara is out in the truck with the Hilltop guys and Gabriel and takes a moment to confess her sins.
The adorable lesbian confessing her sins and being counseled by a priest and Jesus. Excellent.
Shit, one of the Savior’s pulls the alarm. Maggie and Carol hear it. Carol insists that Maggie stay behind. They argue and when Maggie asks what she is supposed to do, Carol responds with a very telling “You’re supposed to be someone else”.
Welp. Welcome to Carol’s identity crisis, Maggie.
While watching this online, there is always an ad for that new Walking Dead iPad game with Daryl’s voice and I HATE IT. He’s all extra growly and stilted and weird. Just thought you would like to know.
Tara, Jesus and Gabriel hear the alarm and send the other guys in the car back to Hilltop in order to try to preserve the deal. Jesus wants to go in and help. Tara is not convinced.
Yeah, Jesus, pulling that bandana over your nose and mouth is going to hide your flowing locks and your pretty pretty blue eyes with Bambi eyelashes.
Not that I’ve noticed or anything.
Then there’s just a fuckton of shooting inside. A bunch of Saviors die. Aaron kills one of them with a purple nurple. Abe finds the weed grow room. Sweet! Heath and Glenn find the armory and end up cornered there with lots of Saviors shooting through the door at them. They shoot back.
Then Jesus comes to the rescue when one of the Saviors isn’t quite dead.
You have competition, Dixon. Or a new boyfriend. Whichever.
And Father Gabriel has officially nutted up.
Damn, Gabriel. You watched Pulp Fiction a lot, didn’t you?
They all emerge into daylight and all seems weirdly normal for two seconds. Tara and Heath get ready to go on their run. Hugs all around.
WTF is Morgan welding back in Alexandria? Why is he welding and crying?
Dude, you just tried to escape on the WRONG BIKE.
Next week on The Walking Dead: Carol and Maggie’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.